Becoming Tech-Wise Families Together
Last winter, a group of parents had a discussion about the challenges of social media and parenting in our hyper-connected age, using the Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma as our starting point.
This summer, we continued the tech/parenting conversation. Over the course of three hours on a Saturday night, a dozen parents gathered to talk over a meal, hear and share honest stories about what's worked and what hasn't, and discover shared values and explore shared commitments.
We used The Tech Wise Family by Andy Crouch as a springboard.
What follows are reflections and resources from Joanna and Vic King, Cambridge parents who facilitated the conversation.
From Joanna
Fellow parents!
Thank you for taking three hours to talk through this challenging issue! We felt that we learned a lot from each of you, and so appreciated workshopping solutions with other parents we respect so much. We noticed some valuable questions were brought up and creative solutions uncovered. So thanks to each of you for contributing to a successful gathering! We look forward to ongoing discussions with the Cambridge community.
Simplicity Parenting
As I thought more on the concerns of our conversation, I remembered the book that has been most formative for me in parenting, Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. Tech-Wise Family is a journalistic and theological perspective, while Simplicity Parenting is a neuroscience and child development perspective. What Payne noticed over decades of treating children is that children with too much tech and/or too much stimulation had some similar symptoms and diagnoses to children experiencing severe or complex trauma.
But when he guided parents through simplifying their home environment (space) and schedule (time), often those symptoms dramatically decreased and diagnoses disappeared. Throughout the book he outlines the steps for how to simplify in helpful, objective ways. So if you are looking for more help for creating tech-wise space and rhythms, this book (and/or its companion site) would be a great next step!
-Joanna
From Vic
There's a saying that "a burden shared is a burden lessened." I felt that going home from our discussion... Parenting is hard, it’s complex, but we're so glad to have you, and the whole Cambridge community, to journey with.
Wait Until Eighth
I would love to invite you to join us in the commitment to delay giving our kids smartphones until 8th grade. The more of us that choose to do it, the more effective it will become. I know some of us have kids that are older, and some have already given our kids devices (with limits). Please don’t feel any judgment! None of us are experts here, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. This "Wait Until Eighth" thing is just a simple way of nudging our Cambridge community towards becoming a creative counterculture in this area. Join us! (FAQ and research)
Here are a few additional resources worth exploring:
Router-Level Parental Controls
Verizon FiOS, Comcast Xfinity, and DNS services like NextDNS and OpenDNS help you set up content filtering at the level of your router.
Device-Level Parental Controls
iOS, macOS, Microsoft, Kindle, and Android
Service-Level Parental Controls
Netflix, Disney+, Apple TV... there are so many. You can find how to's by searching for "[service name] parental controls."
Content Reviews
To help you quickly decide if particular content is appropriate for your particular kids, Common Sense Media is hard to beat.
Axis is a ministry whose goal is helping parents understand pop culture to connect with their teens. They send out a great weekly email and have plenty of in-depth topical guides.
A Closing Analogy: We Are Drivers Raising Drivers
An analogy I’ve used with our daughters a few times now, that seems to make sense to them, is that having your own smart devices is like driving a car. There’s a certain amount of baseline maturity required, along with a certain amount of supervised training, before they get behind the wheel and head off solo.
I’m not gonna just chuck them my truck keys and say “good luck with all that.” Unless I want them to total it. No, I’m going to spend plenty of time teaching them how to drive. And between now and then, I want to become a better driver myself, both for my own sake and for the sake of the little ones who are taking their driving cues from me.
Again, thank you for being a community that wants to be intentional in this area!
Vic